The Empathic Healer Has Moved! :)

'ello! :)

Well, enough is enough - I've moved The Empathic Healer Blog to a new service. You can now find it here: http://theempathichealer.wordpress.com/

I'm working on getting e-mail subscriptions up and running on that site and am sure it'll be available shortly! For those already subscribed, I will transfer your subscription for you - keep a look out for a verification e-mail in your Inbox from Feedburner.com! :)

It's Time to Forgive Ourselves...

10-29-06 - 4:45am

I just made a major discovery upon waking, this morning... I had a dream, an all night dream that was long and involved and perfectly created to bring me to a realization: The resonance of the dis-ease I'm experiencing: "I'll make them see what they did to me. As I suffer, so shall they." I'll take this back a bit, as far as I can remember, to the things leading up to this epiphany.

First, pain in my body has moved again. Now it's in my shoulders and the joints and muscles involved in lifting my arms to form a T. Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life) has this to say about the energy resonance of shoulder pain, "We make life a burden by our attitude."

Next, I bought some turquoise the other day, and just got around to working with it last night. I looked it up in The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall to get a better feel for it. When I worked with it, I felt led to place it on my throat. She has this to say about it, when used in that position, "...it releases old vows, inhibitions and prohibitions, and allows the soul to express itself once more." She also spoke of a particular kind of turquoise, Tibetan Turqoise, stating that, "...it is especially useful for healing throat blockages and suppressed self-expression back through the ancestral line until it is cleared."

When working with the turqoise, I decided, "You know, it would be really cool if this was Tibetan, even if it doesn't look like it..." I requested the crystal to take on Tibetan Turqoise properties, too, and then laid it upon my throat and began reading the new book I just got out of the library, "Many Lives, Many Masters," by Brian L. Weiss, M.D.

What an awesome book! I had heard of it before, but somehow just never ended up reading it! Wow. :) I won't go into it now, it's quite involved, but basically I read a third of it in one sitting. There is a single line on page 68 that really stuck with me. It was spoken by someone who had just died, and was looking back on their life, "I should have been more forgiving, but I wasn't. I did not forgive the wrongs that people did to me, and I should have. I didn't forgive the wrongs. I held them inside, and I harbored them for many years. ..."

I thought about this... I had done a great deal of work a while back, with forgiveness. There is a website put out by Lightworker.com called The 8 Sacred Rooms, created for people to help create, heal and improve themselves. One of the rooms is the room of forgiveness, and I stayed there for quite a while. Upon reading this paragraph in the book, Many Lives, Many Masters, I felt the depth of wisdom of these words - but I was pretty sure I had forgiven everyone already. I asked, Incubating a Dream Style, that if there was anything left that needed forgiving, I wanted to know about it.

And then I went to sleep and had the huge, crazy involved long dream that was all about getting me to that epiphany I mentioned. It culminated into a scene that was a twin to one that I had actually lived through. Here is the scene as it actually happened in my life:

I am standing in front of a doctor that I had seen several years before. Previously, pain had just been starting, and was still at an 'easily managable' place. The doctor had prescribed drugs that didn't work, and treatments that did nothing but make me worse so I stopped coming to see them. Ironically, 3 years later I ran into the same exact person, in a totally different setting. The person had become a specialist in the field in which I was having difficulty (auto-immune disorders). I decide to trust them once again because things have gotten so bad, what choice have I got? And hey, they're a specialist now! Once again, I go downhill majorly, my symptoms exploding into all new heights of misery. I go to see the doctor for what I know will be the last time.

My metabolism is in the basement - I'm breathing every 20 seconds or so. Can't think, can't feel. My liver is large and distended to the point (she had me on Vioxx, for those who care to know - it was taken off the market for a while for just this kind of thing) that you can actually see it when looking at my middrif. Joints are noticibly swollen body-wide and I feel like I'm about to check out, for good - and that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I did. I had dark, underlying thoughts at the time of keeling over right there in the doctor's office and, "Well that would show them..."

I took some strange kind of pleasure in just how bad off I had become. Almost a sense of pride. At the time, I take it to mean that I'm feeling, "Well now they'll have to believe me that there really is something wrong." I can see how I could get confused, and I may very well have been feeling some of that with my past history of doctors not listening to me... But now, after having this dream... I realize that the majority of it was actually something else. It was ANGER. I was resentful and angry, and in a weird, twisted way I was taking my revenge.

Louise Hay's books have always attested that a lot of the symptoms I have been experiencing have had to do with anger, but I never quite understood how that worked. I think, now, I do.

It's twisted, but it makes a strange sort of sense, and it goes back in my family on my mom's side for as far as I'm aware of. It's the 'look what you did to me' gene... It's a form of martyrdom, but it's insidious and hidden even from the person who is experiencing it because they haven't given themselves permission to even have angry thoughts. Those angry thoughts and all the energy behind them just go straight into being suppressed upon their very conception - and stay there. In the body.

When I first started showing symptoms, it was due to my anger at a best friend, roommate at the time who had begun to mimic me even down to wearing the same exact clothes (bought right after I would buy mine), and walking and talking in the same manner as me. Same friends, same classes, same hobbies, same food favorites. My life was being stolen, I felt - a life that I hadn't even cherished or cared about until someone tried to hijack it. She triggered huge amounts of anger in me, which I then supressed, and used to fuel the 'look what you did to me' gene's physical manifestations in my body...

Which, by the way, are 100% the same exact type of manifestations that my mom had all her life (and died of), and my grandmother - joint and muscle pain. At that time it was in my shoulders, in the joints and muscles involved in forming a T with your arms... (Which is just like what I'm experiencing right now... I'm of the mind that it's coming up for release :) ) Around this time is the first time I went to see a doctor about the pain. We shall call her Doctor X because I can't remember her name...it's on the tip of my tongue...

After that, I had a job I made myself go to for a year, which I felt was sucking the life out of me and I was intensely angry about - but I didn't let myself feel that because I was doing what I was supposed to do as a model citizen. The pain got much worse as I shifted into targeting my co-workers and boss with the 'make them see' gene.

When my parents died, you can bet I had a whole lot of anger...but at who? And with that, I didn't even have anyone I target! They had gone and had the gaul to die before I could 'make them see' anything, and I had no close family left.

Doctor X entered the scene again at this time, and she became a ripe target because she was the one who had failed me to begin with. I only saw her a couple times, but I packed a huge whollop of energy into those times as far as my symptoms went - I ran myself right into the ground just for her, just to 'make her see'. Just to get my revenge by making her suffer, by suffering myself. Just like my mom would have done... Just like my grandmother would have done. My desire to 'make her see' was apparently more powerful than any drugs could hope to compete with. ;)

She always had this look on her face when she would see me - this pitying look. The 'oh my God what have I done' look - and that, for whatever reason, always made me feel more angry - anger I actually allowed myself to feel in the moment, a hot spike of rage. I remember thinking to myself, "How dare she look that way - she doesn't have the right to try to get out of it by expressing it." Finally I became so bad that I stopped seeing the doctor, and just lay in bed for days, imploding.

It wasn't all that long after that that I had the, "Time to make a choice: Live or die," experience that changed my life altogether which I have spoken of in previous blog entries. After that, I cut all ties and moved several states away. I took myself out of that game.

I look around my life now and see that I play mini-versions of the game here and now. Not often - even if I didn't know what I was doing I've come to realize that it didn't feel good when I did it. It usually occurs when I'm in a lot of pain and over tired...it's like I revert to old programming when I'm not consciously at the helm.

Well Me, mom...grandma...it's time to heal this pattern. It's a twisted creation pattern, and it doesn't serve us any more. Our energy is all wrapped up in the desire for revenge for being all wrapped up, and that doesn't make sense - though it sure has been a source for great learning in a short period of time.

Really, though, what it comes down to is that we're here to experience life, including the parts that have anger in them. Anger is the expression that something is wrong, and each of us, the carrier of the pattern for our generation, have experienced instances of abuse and trauma that naturally would result in anger - and this is as it should be! Give yourself permission to Be ANGRY and express yourself...!

Once we've done that, let's allow ourselves to let it go so we can get on to creating things to play with that actually feel good to experience. It's time to forgive ourselves.

The Creation (and Release) of a Facade Body

10-28-06 - 1:15pm

At some point recently, my ego ran rampant. I think (hope?) this has only gone on for a couple weeks. I realize now that that's what led me to disrespect the people I mentioned disrespecting in the last post - part of me caught the 'better than' bug, and so I ended up eating my own foot a lot.

Part of this is due, I think, to the fact that I didn't know what to do with the new power (spiritual awakening) I suddenly fell into just recently. I could see from such a hugely high perspective that all really is well, and that the part I play in touching people's lives is so immensely important... (no pressure... :P)

The other part of this is my propensity, once again, to want to live up to other's expectations. People kept telling me I was special...and I am! But I got lost there for a little while about what that meant, exactly. I started to think that it was something I was doing, not something I was being. That there was something I had to live up to. And this sense of expectation just kept getting bigger and bigger as I received higher and higher compliments!

It felt good to receive the compliments, it felt like I was accomplishing something, like I was becoming the person I had always intended to become. But as the compliments became larger and larger, and then were compounded by another spiritual awakening, I suddenly felt like I didn't know how to be this person that people wanted me to be.

This 'Special' person wasn't me, it couldn't be me... I mean, I'm just me, just Dawn. But people had painted this incredible picture that was grand and amazing and beautiful - and I was scared of losing that. Scared of faltering while they were watching.

So scared that I actually, in effect, created an alter ego. A facade body, as Rose Rosetree refers to them. I created a fake me with the label Teacher, Healer, and Inspirational Speaker, and then I made it dance to the tune of other people's idea of Special. (I didn't do this consciously, by the way... I can just see it in retrospect) I did it because I was scared of not being who they thought I was. Because I was scared of not being who I thought I was!

However, holding a facade body shield up in front of you is very draining. It can actually become so large that you forget the real you - the real you is busy running the puppet show and has no time to Just Be. Because of this personally created separation from others, you become more distanced and cold. You can't see as well the effect you're having because you're hiding behind yet another layer, and the maintenance of that layer has become your number one priority.

The irony of this, of course, is that I am special. Me, just being me. The facade body can't atually 'Be' special, or anything else - it's just a shadow puppet. It can only fake 'Being' through taking action in a way that makes it appear as if it has substance.

Everything the people said about me came from their hearts. It was about Me, Being Me - not about a fake me pretending to be me. (this could get confusing quickly... ;) ) It just became so big, so scary, that I didn't feel I could possibly Be all those things, all the time, for all people - by just being myself. So, I hid behind an idealized version of Dawn, and I presented that same idealized version to everyone.

In doing so...I lost the clarity I had gained, and I didn't know why. I didn't know I had created my own confusion, my own block to the sun... I just knew that everything suddenly was clouded over, and the grand, loving heights of clarity I had recently had the honor of experiencing felt like a long ago memory. I forgot that it's okay to just be me, that it's the Just Dawn that people were talking about, and that whoever that is, whoever I become... It's okay.

A side effect of this extra part of me was that as it continued to exist, it got bigger. It didn't have the clarity of heart I have, it only saw that it had a mission to be a certain way - Special. Special means 'better than' when you see it in a disconnected way, and what other way could a shadow see the world? It had no sense of the 'Me in Them'. It was all about Ideal Version of Dawn, and that's it. It was all about separation.

However, with most of my energy going into this fake version of me, I couldn't grow anymore as the real me. I got stuck behind the self-created walls of my facade body, the self-imposed limitation, and I could no longer see the light of my own truth.

It was this inability to see, the inability to grow, that first clued me in that something was going on. It was getting tighter and tighter in there, more and more uncomfortable like the high pitched whine of things being pushed to their very limits. It apparently served a very high purpose when it came to my understanding the subtle nuances of eating one's own foot - but that got old real quick. :P

I'm done being someone else's version of me, now... I don't have all the answers. I'm bumbling along just like everyone else. I'm opening to more and more clarity, but it's through letting go of stuff, not through taking more on. I don't want to be scared anymore, so I'm coming out of hiding and I'm just going to be me again. I'm not Ideal...I'm just me, and Just Dawn feels much more comfortable. I'm all about comfortable. :)

When I asked God to help me understand how to stop this, how to let this false ego go, I got the answer, "See yourself in everyone else." And I understood... I know that I am special. I also know, now, that everyone else is just as special as I am. That, in a very real way, I am a part of everyone else, and everyone is a part of me. To disrespect someone else is to disrespect myself.

Last night I turned to look this facade body in the eyes - and it disappeared.

Namasté

I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells.
I honor the place in you of love, of truth, of light, of peace.
When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me,
We are One

Snacking on Your Own Foot - Empathy and Judgmentalism

10-26-06 - 11:06am

As I move higher in perspective and expand empathically to take in even more about people and experiences... I'm learning a new code of ethics, for myself...the hard way. :P Not too hard, though - I'm pretty proud of myself for how fast I'm learning. I've only stuck my own foot in my mouth a few times in the last couple weeks. :P

I'm sure there are exceptions to the below as far as if someone's expression is interacting with mine and causing me discomfort or whatever. This is a huge subject with lots of layers and variations and subtle nuances. But, in a nutshell, here are the things I've been learning about lately.

If I had to sum it all up in a single sentence, right now, I would say,

"Even if I know I'm right and can actually see more than a person can see themselves, it's not my place to offer advice, or even an opinion, on the way they're doing something, or what they believe. The only exception to this rule is when they ask for guidance - those are Teachable Moments, but even those need to be handled with great care."

I discovered that if I find myself with a vested interest to 'make someone see', then that is NOT a teachable moment. That's a judgemental moment, and I can rest assured that I'm already in pretty deep judgmental waters. It's time to backpeddle, or drop it all together, if at all possible.

I've come to realize that there is NOT only one correct way to do something. In fact, there is, in actuality, NO correct way to do something. Similarily, there is NO single correct belief. There are only expressions of individual souls on their own life paths.

A person's way of doing something is their expression of who they are, in the moment. To tell someone they're doing something wrong is to, in a way, tell them that they, as an individual, wrong. That their expression of themselves is wrong, and that you know better how they can express the Themness of Them. This, of course, is impossible - each person is an individual aspect of God expressing God's Self... Only they have the ability to be who they are.

Just because I can see a person's blocks and limitations with a newly heightened sense of clarity, it doesn't give me a right to tell them about it, no matter how much pain they may be causing themselves. It's their life, their lessons, their expression.

And I know for absolute certain that even if I can't see from quite high enough yet to realize it, their own journey is unfolding in perfection - always was, always has been, even before I witnessed it. When they include me on their journey, it really is an honor and a privaledge - not something for me to take for myself, but for them to give to me by requesting my presence.

Once again, I'm still obviously *picks a piece of shoe out from between her teeth* just learning about these ideas...but I felt drawn to write about them, so there they are. :)

Unfoldment Witnessed

10-21-06 - 7:04pm

Yay! For the first time, I've actually been aware enough to catch all the subtle nuances of synchronicity that took part in my waking up to a whole new level of awareness about myself! This is just so cool, so beautiful, the delicate interweaving of experiences and interactions with others that have led me to this place. I'm really excited to have had the chance to bear witness to it. :) So! Here it is! :)

Two days ago I went to a friend's house. Agnes is her name, and we took Rose Rosetree's Healing with Deeper Perception class together last month. We got together on Wednesday to practice cutting cords of attachment. We need to get 20 cord cuttings, 12 minor and 8 major, under our belts before we can be considered skilled enough to offer them profesionally.

A cord of attachment is an energetic pathway that runs between one person and another. There's always a major cord between blood relatives, and minor ones run between anyone who has a memorable impact on one's life. A cord of attachment is a record keeper of karmic patterns - a constant reminder, an I.V. drip if you will, of a pattern that once occurred and will continue to occur until it is resolved. We have now evolved to a state that we can consciously choose to request a release of our karmic patterns, through the cutting of a cord of attachment.

However! Note I said request - this does not mean every request is granted. Far from it, in fact. And this is what happened the day I went to Agnes' house.

We were working with minor cords that day, and I had the perfect one lined up for her to work with. A few months back I had been sending messages daily to a mailing list made up of over 4,500 people. I really felt very alive, like I was singing! And I was getting responses back all the time about how much my posts had helped people to gain more clarity. It was, in a word, wonderful. :)

A topic got out of control that was considered off-topic by the owner of the mailing list, and all further discussion of it was banned. It was so intertwined with what I was working with at the time that I ended up mentioning it at the tail-end of a post, anyway. I didn't talk about it, just mentioned it as an option for working toward a common goal as I wrapped up my post.

Well, that second to last paragraph was taken out of the post by a moderator, and then the post was sent out to the list - without my being made aware of the editing, or given a choice in the matter. This entirely changed the tone and point of what I was saying. It was no longer mine, but was posted under my name as if I had written it that way. At first I thought it was a mistake - it had to be! Who would edit someone's work and then post it for the world to see without even letting them have a say so in the matter? I would have happily changed it! But no...it wasn't a mistake...

I was absolutely INFURIATED. My anger was huge and white hot. Even now I can feel the waves of it. I don't know the last time I got so angry... I argued the point with the owner of the list, about how it wasn't right, about how they should have their moderators send posts back to posters with editing requests or something. Back and forth we went. I tried to post something talking about how my post had been edited and for people to please disregard it - and it was deleted before ever reaching anyone. Finally, the person basically said, "It would be in your best interest to drop this."

Oh my God was I angry. I was beyond angry on into this utter rage-filled calm feeling. I dropped it, and left the list. I did my best to sort out my feelings about this - such a huge reaction over a post to a mailing list? What was going on? The owner of the list happens to live in the area and move in the same circles I do...I'm good friends with them and their spouse. Could I still be friends with them? I couldn't understand... I just couldn't.

Even in the middle (well maybe not right in the middle - I am human after all ;) ) of feeling my anger, I realized it was out of proportion HUGE. Others wouldn't react this way, or with this much vehemence. For whatever reason, something within me had been hit square on the nose by this experience. Something had triggered an explosion within me that had its roots somewhere else entirely. At the time I didn't know where those roots led, but I understood that the list owner wasn't evil or anything - he had absolute dominion over the list, and I had agreed to that upon joining. I had broken his rules, and I knew it. My anger wasn't actually at him, it was just triggered by him, somehow.

With that in mind, I decided to let it go to the best of my ability...The anger was too gigantic for me to plumb its depths at that time. I did a pretty good job of it, actually, and managed upon seeing them again in person to see beyond the anger, though it took a great deal of of concentration to do so. I learned a whole lot about anger during that time in my life... I rejoined the list a month or two later, and made a few posts - but the heart had gone out of me. I felt choked, constricted, like I had to watch every word I said - who knew what topics were banned?! I made a go of it, but...in the end...I just stopped reading. Stopped writing... I left.

And that's where I was with this when I came to Agnes' house. Think there was a cord there? Yeah, I bet! ;) When she asked me to describe how I felt when thinking about this person, I said I felt like I had a blue dog collar on, cinched too tight. A dog collar. It felt like I had been purposefully seen as something less than human and then forced to obey - like my voice was taken from me.

Agnes then requested permission to cut this cord, and was denied. She was told it was not ripe yet. It was too green...and that maybe in a week it would ripen. She then went on to say that this was actually a parody on a theme that had started much earlier in my life, in 2nd grade.

I had no clue what she was talking about, and neither did she, but it felt right somehow, and I accepted it as truth. Thinking back then to elementary school, I remembered a teacher who had taught me the way of conformity. I decided this must be it, and let it go at that. What I didn't remember at that time was that that teacher was my 3rd grade teacher, not my 2nd.

So, moving on to Thursday morning, I had gotten an e-mail from someone who owns a list called The Universal Empath, inviting me to the group. When I arrived, I found a question in place that seemed as if it were written by him with me in mind - and as it turns out, it was. The post asked about what I do as an empathic reader. I responded (and created a post here, out of it!).

Life then went on as usual, until that night when I went to see Deepak Chopra giving a lecture about his new book coming out. He said something that really stuck with me in a huge way. I recorded the event on my audio recorder, and have been able to play it back and capture the word verbatim. He said:

"Most of us are in karmic bondage. We are conditioned by our past, to create certain probability amplitudes in the same field of infinite possibilities. And the whole process that we call enlightenment is to move beyond that bondage of karma."

Quite a mouth full. Basically what it means is, we fall into habitual patterns until we wake up enough to see what we're doing, question it, and change.

When I got home late Thursday night, there had been a response to my mailing to the Universal Empath board. He went on to ask if I had ever encountered a skeptic, or someone who argued with me about their empathy reading. I wrote back and told him that, no, I hadn't. That by working with empathy, I had discovered in others how to perceive their line of acceptance, how far I can push it, and how not to cross it. (This post is available as a comment to the previous post on this blog)

As the night wore on, I realized that I really needed to write a bio for myself for Avalaura of Avalaura's Healing Center. I'll be speaking and giving readings there in November, and really left it to the last minute to write this bio. Nothing like going on about yourself as if you're the next best thing since sliced bread. :P But, that's what a bio is for, so, I did my best. Here's what I wrote:

About Dawn...

"Love is there..." is a legacy that lives on in the form of Dawn, a Healer, an Inspirational and Transformational Speaker, and an Opener of Doors. A gifted Empath and Intuitive, she has been trained in the art of Aura Reading and Healing with Deeper Perception by none other than Rose Rosetree herself.

Dawn has had extensive experience with a wide variety of healing modalities, and her certifications include Reiki, Chios Energy Field Healing and Quantum Touch. She is also a certified Master Tarot Reader and Intuitive Consultant, and greatly enjoys using all of her gifts and abilities to bring about a unique and enlightening reading experience for each and every person she works with.

Above all, Dawn is a Healer, a Teacher, and a Bringer of Light.

Happy with myself for getting that done, I got ready to go to bed, thinking about what it means to be a bringer of light and an opener of doors. It felt right when I wrote it, it just sort of came out... I then listened to Deepak's talk one more time, eagerly awaiting the point where he would say that one line that I enjoyed so much.

As I was falling asleep, I realized that I hadn't incubated a dream (here's a post on the last time I incubated a dream, for those interested in the process) for the class I'll be teaching this Saturday, Advanced New Age Wisdom. I had told all the students to do it, and that I would do it too. So, my question for dream incubation was, "I want to know more about how releasing karmic patterning is working in my life, right now."

Wow, did I ever get an answer!

I didn't actually have a dream that I remembered, but I woke up remembering my 2nd grade teachers. (I had two of them - it was a montessori school and they were experimenting) They were nice people. I apparently was a problem child of some sort. I don't remember feeling like a problem child at all, but one day my mom took me aside and told me that my teachers had said that I was always talking way too loud in class. I was disruptive, and never on topic and 'wild' I think is the word she used.

She told me that they had a special room just for me to go into, that I could be as loud as I wanted and do all of my class work any way I liked. I was dubious, but she made it sound like a special thing just for me - and I was treated that way the next day. The teachers took me to a room with three floor to ceiling glass pane walls. There was a table in there, and it was apparently sound proof enough that I could be as loud as I wanted.

They gave me my crayons and whatever else I was working with and told me to have fun, then closed te door and left. I could see them outside, with everyone else. I felt special at first - I had my very own room! I sang to myself as I colored, and made loud noises just because I could... And then I realized - it's very boring by yourself. I had no one to talk to. I looked outside those glass panes and saw all my friends talking quietly among themselves, and I started to feel like I was in more of a prison cell than a 'special' room.

I realized that I didn't want to be special anymore. I wanted to be with my friends...but to do that, I would have to not be special. I would have to not talk loud, or be 'wild' or disruptive. I would have to very carefully figure out what it was that made me special enough to deserve my very own room - and stop it.

I remember very clearly deciding to do just that, then picking up my stuff, leaving the room and going up to the teachers and saying, "I don't want to be special anymore." They had this awful look on their faces - as if things had gone horribly wrong. They had. But, I don't blame them - they had in their own minds, to the best of their abilities, been doing what they thought was best for me. But what they'd really done was isolate me, and punish me, and train the outward display of specialness right out of me.

I learned to quiet my voice, and to not be outwardly special. I learned that you are punished when you're yourself. I learned to resist myself, to tense up whenever I wanted to speak, and to clench down on my words so they wouldn't be too loud, wild, or disruptive. Basically, at age 7, I learned to be neurotic.

My voice is my life - it's intrinsically connected with my life's purpose. Speaking and sharing of myself has always been the thing that makes me feel most alive, when I've been allowed to do it. I remember my mom telling me the story of my getting up to receive a Presidential Academic Fitness award in 5th grade and her not realizing that it wasn't an adult speaking. The whole auditorium was lit up, hundreds of people were there...and it felt so natural, as if I were an maistro leading a symphony. Even then, at age 9, I loved public speaking.

I lay in bed for a while, pondering on this... Upon getting up, I realized that my left hip which had been bothering me for a few days no longer hurt, but that the pain had moved into my left ankle and knee. Before my hip, it was my shoulders for over a month. I thought about why that would be... I know there is a mind/body connection between beliefs and physical wellness... I've also been working with the idea of tension, and how it creates dis-ease. Could it be that as I'm moving through different areas of learning, I'm moving through areas that make me tense in different ways? In different parts of the body?

I'm a very tense person, just as a general rule... or I have been thus far, anyway. When people comment on my coming across as being very laid back, I laugh and shake my head at them and say, "Nah, I'm pretty high strung, actually - it takes a lot of energy to appear this laid back!" Funny...but true. :P

I went on to take my morning shower and had the thought that I believe that stress comes up in people because they're in a state of resistance. They're resisting something...

I also reailzed that I really work best when I'm tapped. Someone has a need, they ask me a question, and bam - a flood of information comes out leaving me staring at myself in wonder and thinking, "Wow! That was in me!" It's as if I'm constantly waiting to be tapped so I can have permission to speak...

So...I wondered to myself...what am I resisting? And then I tracked back to my 3rd grade teacher, who taught me to conform in action. And then to my 2nd grade teachers, who taught me to conform in voice.

I also tracked back to the one and only past life regression I have had. This was with Rose Rosetree a few months ago. I was hung *and* burned by my parents for being a witch when I was 11 or 12. I was a flower child, very aware of natural magics and creating amazing things, and wanted to show them the gifts the universe has to give us. I didn't know when to speak, and when to not - I was 100% open with what I found to be so important to share, and I was killed for it by my own parents.

The real question, I suddenly realized, was not what I was resisting...but why I'm in resistance! Why is because I was taught to by exerience, over and over, to not be special. To not be myself. To quiet my voice.

I am in a constant state of resistance because I believe that I need to keep who I am in check, otherwise great pain and suffering will occur.

And then I had a thought - I requested this. There are no accidents. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I make a request like this? The entire universe revolved around my creating an experience for myself, leading up to who I am now. Why?

Everything I have learned, everything I have become says, "Trust Yourself." It's like I've been going through boot camp, clamping down on my flow of Self, my expression of Self - my voice - so I could best learn how to channel it so people can actually understand me.

I've had the brakes on the whole time! No wonder I'm a wreck. :P

And so, there you have it - an epiphany 30 years in the making. All those people, all those experiences - plus a trillion other little things that I'm not yet perceptive enough to be aware of - they all led up to a single 'ah hah' moment. To a single moment of jumping the tracks and going, "Hey...wait a second..."

Now it's time for the change part. It's time for me to let go of the thing that I mis-learned so that I could learn something else. I have now learned how to channel my voice. It's okay - I can let go and trust myself...trust myself to be myself.

So, I am now moving on to working with biofeedback, so I can feel what it's like to not be tense. ;) I'm hoping I can find something I can wear all the time that'll beep at me when I tense up...but supposedly you can go through body re-training that'll stay in place for the long term. We shall see!

And you can bet I'm going to go and have those cords of attachment cut. I do feel good, though, especially good, that I can now look back and feel gratitude for all the experiences, and all of the people who led me to where I am now. They all helped me unlock my own door, in the special way that only they could. To all of them - thank you. :)

Empathic Readings

10-19-06 - 11:00am

I joined a new forum called The Universal Empath, and answered the call of one of the administrators for more information from readers out there who are working with empathy. :) It was interesting, and I felt it was on topic for the Empathic Healer blog, so here it is! :)

Original Post:

Does anyone do Empathic Readings?
So does anyone use their empathic ability to give tarot or spiritual readings?

What's involved?

'ello! :)

Yes, I do empathic readings professionally. (www.loveisthere.com) Empathic skills really lend themselves well to working with the tarot, intuitive readings, aura readings and the like - it's an added dimension of information to draw upon: what's it like to be this person?

As far as what's involved, I tend to connect empathically first. I need some sort of a conduit for a good empathic link - a photo, or hearing the person's voice, or actually being in person. Holding the person's hand is best, for me. I get a baseline feel for the person's state of being, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually - where they're at, basically. And then from there I launch into whatever style of reading I'm performing. :)

Sometimes they just want an empathic reading - though not too often. Sometimes people have stuffed things so deep they don't know they're feeling it... or they're confused between thoughts and feelings... or they haven't given themselves permission to feel a particular thing so they're not even aware that it's there. Doing an empathic reading, I can be in my shoes, while swimming around in theirs, seeing clearly what perhaps they can not - and then give them a fresh perspective on it. :)

But, most of the time they want to know about something going on in their lives - I've found that the big ones are health, career, relationships, in that order. :) (interesting how it goes in line with the chakra column, eh?) Having an empathic baseline feel for who the person is helps me to provide them with guidance that is perfect for where they are.

Everyone is in their own box - ever notice how it's pretty easy to see someone else's problems, but not your own? Well, having an empathic read let's you feel what it's like to be in their box - all the better to send a ladder down to them that they can actually take hold of and ascend. :)

*hugs!*
- Dawn

Whether Things Are Going How They're 'Supposed To' Depends on Your Perspective

10-09-06 - 5:00pm

Someone sent me a quote from Abraham-Hicks that resonated with them, wondering if it would resonate with me. I really clarified some things for myself in writing a response to them, and decided to share, here, too. :)

Oh! And by the way, the word 'contrast' as used below is defined as: stuff going on that you don't like. ;)

Here is the original quote:

It's you versus you

"You are the one who creates your flow and you are the one who does not go with it and not one other person in your life has anything to do with that. It's you versus you. PERIOD. And when something isn't go very well and you say it's your fault or it's your fault or it's your fault or it's this condition or it's this condition or it's this condition, we say you may very well be using those conditions as your reason to point upstream and because you have got yourself pointed upstream we know your stream that you created, your self-created stream is beating up on you pretty good, it's giving you cancer or it's giving you a car wreck or it's giving you something that you do not want, but it's all self inflicted because you're the one that created the stream and you're the one that's bucking the stream. You get this?

All you, … all worthy, beautiful, eternally evolving, creative genius you. So we understand why you get pretty irritated when things aren't going well because at such deep levels of your being you know it's suppose to."

--------

And here is my response:

'ello! :)

Great quote! Thanks for sharing! :)

The only thing that doesn't resonate with me is the last line -

All you, … all worthy, beautiful, eternally evolving, creative genius you. So we understand why you get pretty irritated when things aren't going well because at such deep levels of your being you know it's suppose to.

In my philosophy o' life there isn't any such thing as things not going the way they're supposed to... If we think they are, we just don't have a high enough perspective.

If you ask someone, "What things aren't going the way they're supposed to? What isn't going well, and what do you want immediately changed?" Say, someone who's in pain, or anger, or loss... someone who's rolling around neck-deep in contrast, they'll likely be able to point right at whatever it is and say, "That."

But what they can't see from where they are is the myriad of little changes that would make. The ripple effect. It's It's a Wonderful Life all over again! ;) Look where you are now, at the pain. Then take a step back a month. Two months. Five months. Look at where you were, at the pain. Take the steps forward again, very slowly this time, at all the things you did and the changes you made consciously, from your position neck deep in contrast, right from that place where you were irritated and you believed things weren't going the way they were supposed to... and I'd be willing to bet you wouldn't change a thing in your past even if a magic genie showed up and offered to change it.

Well, the Now is just like that! We just don't have perspective yet. Our neck-deep at times contrast is what's building us into amazing people... embracing that is the thing that'll make everything a bit brighter. Not by feeling that it's okay that things aren't going as they're supposed to because you're an amazing, perfect being after all. But by holding on to the understanding that things aren't going the way 'they're supposed to' because first, you don't know what 'supposed to' is, yet, and second, because from a higher perspective, you know you need opportunities to make you want to fly - otherwise, you never would. In other words, 'supposed to' is all about perspective - on some level, everything really is going according to plan.

With that in mind, you really can embrace the contrast when it comes. It speeds up change for the better. It means something is going on that You Want Changed, and you are going to change it, right from in the middle of it. What power! :) You always knew you could do it - there was never any doubt. That's why you're here. :)

You are always a magnificent creator. You never fell asleep on the job. You never made a mistake. Everything is always well, and going exactly the way it's 'supposed to' - even if sometimes we aren't aware of it.

Even when you're not enjoying your creation for what it is (and this is fine! It's part of it, too!), even when you can't see from a high enough perspective to enjoy yourself unfolding, you are providing yourself with the gift of amazing fodder for growth and coming to the realization of the magnificence of you. :) What could be better than that? :)

My thoughts! :)
*hugs!*
- Dawn

New Business Card! *beam*

10-07-06 - 11:55am

New business card! :) I requested them to be glossy coated, and have rounded corners, which I think will be really neat lookin'!

The Ability to Want

10-06-06 - 11:10am

I woke up this morning and had some time before going to the gym. Not enough to really get anything done, just random time. I decided to read my post to this blog from the night before...made a couple small adjustments to it, and then was left looking at the blog's front page. I saw my Profile section there, and decided to see who I was back when I filled it out what feels like forever ago. Made a couple adjustments there, and then I saw something I hadn't seen before - Wish List?

I clicked, and it said, "This person has no wish list!" No wish list?! Oh no! So, I decided to make one! :)

And there I was, faced with a search prompt that basically said, "What do you want? You can have anything."

At first I drew a total blank. Then I remembered talking to my husband about how it would be nice to have a laptop, a really light one. He said that really light laptops are crazy expensive so I put that out of my mind... But hey, if I can have anything, why not? So, I found one. What next? Been wanting to go on a cruise again...hey, why not?! Bing, cruise on wishlist. Now what? ... ... ... ... ... well, I wanted some bolsters for my massage table. Yeah! Found bolsters. Bing, bolsters and a myriad of other supplies on wishlist.

Now what? Anything, anything at all - you have a magic genie, ANYthing can be yours for the asking. What Do You Want?

I couldn't think of anything. I've run into this before, doing the creation box process from Abraham-Hicks... It's apparently hard for me to do this. And then a little voice popped up in my head that said something along the lines of, "Good Girl." And... I felt proud of myself. Erk.

Eh? Good girl? It's good to not want things? It's good to be happy with what you have and not be expensive? That sounded a whole lot like my father, when I thought about it. A whole lot like my father and my mother. The one that originally said we don't have the money to give you anything other than the essentials - so don't ever want anything. That's one of the greatest gifts you can give us, one of the biggest ways you can make us happy, and one of the clearest ways, you can be Good. Don't Want Anything.

And, apparently I still hold that with me... I mean it's not bad in itself to not want anything, but to think that you're a Good Person because you don't want anything - that's messed up. There's something messed up in that logic. It doesn't have anything to do with Good Person or Bad Person unless you have someone telling you that - and I don't anymore. At least no one alive... I actually have the opposite. I have Abraham-Hicks and others saying, "You can have anything, if you desire it..." Ask and it is Given...

But, my ability to desire has been crippled. I knew this from previous experience...but I didn't know how deeply it ran... I wonder how I fix that...?

Apparently it's okay for me to want outlandish things that are likely never going to be fulfilled - like cruises and top of the line laptops... And it's okay for me to desire things that serve a functional purpose, especially one that deals with bringing in more money. Maybe this was why buying stationery supplies has always been so fun for me...permission to buy sparklies...because they serve a purpose!

Man that's sad...

My token nod to desire is a see through umbrella. I had one as a kid...I loved looking up at the rain as it fell, I really did. I already have an umbrella, and a see through one would serve absolutely no purpose... But, I did it. I searched for one on the Wishlist site, found it, and put it out there to the Universe.

Now to go tame those inner gremlins of mine...

UPDATE! 10-06-06 - 9:30pm

My sweet, wonderful husband read my post here, and bought me a see through umbrella! *beam*

~ Upon Further Reflection - an addendum to the previous post

10-06-06 - 4amish. *yawn*

I think that this happens, this disorientation, when I transition through something major, very quickly - faster than my personality can keep up with. Normally for a person these transitions would be slow and take place over the period of months or years... Things would happen gradually and a person would have time to grow easily and naturally into their new self. But, it really does feel like I'm on a fast track. There's a sense of urgency, here.

It feels kind of like I'm a chess piece that's being moved into position. What piece I am...what function I serve...and what position I might be moving into - what purpose I will have...? I don't know. Neither do I know who's moving me, for sure, though it feels increasingly familiar the more 'old me' drops away.

I do know I have a great sense of trust for the process, along with this sense of urgency. A sense of, "All right, take your time, comfortable and easy - it's not efficient to shock yourself too much... But we are on a busy schedule. Lot's to do and lots to see, and you don't want to miss it. So orient yourself as soon as you can so we can begin again."

Every time this happens, everything changes. Everything becomes more simple. So much falls away. So much becomes clearer...and I understand more and see farther. I know one day I'll see far enough to realize that it's myself moving me into place. One day... I just have this feeling, at the moment...but the feeling grows stonger and stronger with every passing transition.

I also for some reason know that it's important to keep track of my progress, even if it makes no sense to me as I go through it - all the epiphanies, the 'ah hahs!', the benchmarks. Not so much important for me, but for other people. This is another thing I've just taken on faith since the beginning. I as of now have over 100 hours of snippets of recorded audio from the last year and a half - two or three insights a day, and sometimes as many as 30 - all on my computer and backed up to disc every couple months. It helps because talking helps me collect my thoughts - I make connections as I speak...but it's also a record of some kind.

Reading over the last paragraph, I feel like I'm coming across as kind of vain and self-important... All I can do is shrug and say, "It is what it is..." I've dedicated my life to raising the consciousness of humanity - I've come know that much. Even as a child I would daydream of helping people see how amazing they are...of how much potential they have. Maybe this is part of that... of showing how 'I was there too, just like you!' one day in the future. (Ack, that sounds more vain than ever :P)

Or maybe these ideas too will fall away one day as I look back at myself, shake my head knowingly, and smile. Or maybe I'm just a background player piece, a supporting role, and my story will only be known when I'm gone... I'm okay with that, as long as it helps people reach for their own light.

Maybe I have been a Way-Show-er Woman in training, myself, all along...

"Who Am I, Now...?"

10-05-06 - 5:30ish

Monday I had an amazing experience with an energy worker named Steve Wood who works out of a store called Healthy by Nature, in Leesburg, VA. He is a Reiki, Bowen Therapy, Massage therapist, and my friend Lori introduced us. I'm not seeing anyone for energy work, right now - as much as I believe in it and practice it myself, I haven't yet met anyone I felt comfortable enough to allow access to my energy in that manner, on a regular basis. I've had the occasional great experience here and there...but rarely, it seems, is a person consistent. My acupuncturist is definitely a keeper. :)

As for the rest of my experiences, some have been okay, sort of ho-hum at best...and the rest have been mixtures of amazement and downright trauma - as if on some days the person is ON, and others, they are just as OFF as they were ON. All of this has been enough to make me very wary of approaching new people. Lori's been helping me out with my business plan as well, and I can really see why she says, "This business (alternative health) is a referral business."

Lori actually not only referred Steve - she allowed me to sit in on one of her own sessions with him, and through that I got a sense of his dedication, competence, and love for what he was doing. It was this that led me to have a session with him right after her. Just a half hour, test the waters session. ;)

Two things happened during the session with this guy that are majorly of note... The first thing is, he was doing his thing, placing his hands in positions on my back, whatever - nothing amazing, just run of the mill. He had me roll over onto my back and then there was nothing. I figured he had stepped away for a moment or was doing a hand scan or something. And suddenly... I felt waves and waves of love washing over me, coming from behind me and almost physically moving over my head and shoulders.

I opened my eyes to see if he was there, and he was, eyes closed, arms out and curved so the palms of his hands were facing my body... Pure, total unconditional love. It was quite an experience all by itself.

The second thing that happened was something he referred to as a technique from Bowen Therapy, which I had never heard of until that day. He said I had a lot of tension in my diaphragm, which I definitely do - that's where my anxiety, when I have it, lives - and after carefully placing his hands there he made an odd, slightly uncomfortable undulation with his fingers. Oooooh boy did I react to that! When my accupuncturist hits the mark with a needle and energy is re-alligned and released, I suddenly feel a wave of heat, my hands go cold and begin to sweat. With this move? My whole body was suddenly on fire, cold, and sweating. Yikes!

Immediately after this I felt like a different person. Not in a bad way, just like I had woken up from a dream - a bad dream (not that life was bad before!) It was just... disorienting... Like blinking and thinking to yourself, "Who am I, again? I knew a minute ago..." I think next time I'll place my order for the Bowen move and then the waves of unconditional love. ;)

I went to see my accupuncturist for my usual every other week appointment the next day, and she was so impressed by my description of the experience that she asked for a stack of Steve's cards so she can hand them out to her other patients. She then designed a treatment for me with the sole purpose of re-enforcing what was done the day before.

Oief! If I needed any confirmation that energy was definitely on the move, I sure got it! When she placed the needle into the stomach line on the outside of my left leg, my whole leg jumped up off the table by itself and I actually yelled out loud - not something I'm prone to doing. ;) In a I-can't-believe-this voice, she let me know that the needle was still moving afterward as she watched, all by itself, even after the muscles beneath it had quieted down. Phew!

So, I went home, and basically slept for two days with a break in between for some Ai Chi water aerobics. I didn't feel bad...just like I was on the very tail end of getting over a whopper of a cold, or maybe even the flu. You know, that last day or two where the symptoms are gone but you're totally wiped out? Yeah, just like that.

Today, I woke up realizing I had reached a new level of health. It's hard to explain, but...I just feel more solid. More alive. I also feel like a five year old again... :P Insecure, totally out of touch with 'reality', unsure of what I want, what I'm doing, or why. My personality and emotions are flucuating rapidly as I try to get my footing.

It's uncomfortable - I had just gotten used to having a sense of solid direction. I like the feeling of Solid Dawn... but! Apparently I just made another jump and left some more of myself behind. So...now I get to go through the fun of figuring out who I am, once again. :)

At the moment, I seem to feel entirely un-goal driven. I'm passionate, but not detail oriented, like I know it's already perfect already. Just a tweak here, a touch there and voila - magical creation. :) The anxious worrier part of me isn't very cool with this new way of thinking/being - not cool with it at all. It likes details. It likes dotting i's and crossing t's. It likes checking lists and checking them twice and wonders what in the world I'm doing. I think it may be about ready to stage a revolt. :P

I set another appointment with Steve and my accupuncturist for two weeks from now... I know a part of me is scared to death about all of this... It's the part of me that's been scared to death about something or other for a really long time - perhaps for as long as I've been alive. I'm hoping these parts of me can come to a truce, here, without my becoming a reclusive basket case for another month or whatever while I re-integrate.

The funny thing is, I think the anxious part of me doesn't yet realize that things are occuring just perfectly without its niggling perfectionism... Amazing things are taking place all around me in perfect synchronicity. Part of me sees them and just smiles, feeling the rightness of it. The other part of me looks around and thinks, "Woah, that was a close one, I really could have messed that up!"

I don't want to banish the anxious part of myself. I just want it to know it's okay to relax... is that a contradiction?

Slow and easy and comfortable, that's the order of the day. Slooow and easy and comfortable, please and thank you.